Swiping Right on Self-Discovery: Navigating Vulnerability and Authenticity in Modern Dating
In the realm of singlehood, it’s quite common to hear the question: “When are you getting on the apps?” Contemplating the essence of dating apps invokes a whirlwind of emotions - from pondering their mechanics to the fear of being catfished, or even the unsettling possibility of being the catfish. These concerns aren't uncommon; many of us grapple with them, not just out of fear of the unknown, but also because navigating the dating scene can unearth insecurities we've yet to address. Amidst the chaos of modern love, we're often left questioning: Are we actively striving to become the kind of person worthy of a right swipe? To confidently respond, it's important to pause and reflect, asking yourself: What am I seeking from these dating experiences, and what do I bring to the table? Evaluating our intentions can be difficult for many, as it requires confronting the person in the mirror truthfully. However, self discovery is where the journey begins. Many of us look towards the excitement of dating, caught up in the thrill and anticipation, often overlooking the fact that genuine connection requires authenticity and resiliency.
Authenticity means honesty, and honesty entails vulnerability. Vulnerability is what makes connection between two people real. I understand that being vulnerable can feel like leaping out of a plane from 16,000 feet up, utterly terrifying. However, this remains the most authentic path to a meaningful connection, including the most crucial one of all: the connection with oneself. Some may argue vulnerability signifies weakness, leading us to avoid it at all costs. The brilliant Dr. Brene Brown who is a well renowned author and researcher tells us,
“Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our most accurate measure of courage” -Brene Brown
Brown discusses the belief that shielding ourselves from vulnerability guards us against pain. In reality, it accomplishes the opposite-it prevents us from truly experiencing anything at all. Courage is required to venture into new experiences, such as treating yourself to a solo date or accomplishing a personal bucket list item that others might not grasp. These are the moments that cultivate resilience.
Achieving emotional resilience is a journey of self-work and embracing personal growth, which reveals our ability to overcome obstacles. It begins by clarifying our desires, vocalizing them, and actively pursuing them. Embrace your emotions, give them space to be acknowledged, processed, and then respond with intention. Two approaches to help embrace your emotions:
1. Refrain from judging yourself: Often we harshly critique ourselves, invalidating our own experiences. It’s time to put an end to this.
2. Practice self- compassion: Address yourself with the same kindness you would offer a loved one.
Once we are able to confidently establish these skills, we come to the conclusion that we don’t need to seek someone who will “complete” us. Instead, we long for connections with those who uplift and elevate us. Investing in yourself will create an avenue for individuals who also acknowledge and appreciate your worth. The practice of vulnerability, and the cultivation of emotional resilience, will bring forth a sense of security and confidence as you navigate your dating journey.
